Wednesday, September 25, 2013

엄마 정말로 사랑해요

It was exactly this card that was shown to me once I asked the tarot card reader three months ago.
"It means no one's gonna die. It's just saying that there is going to be a major change in your life, your family life."
This tarot card reader ain't a fortune teller, I was so unfortunate.
It, indeed, means death.

Back in the last week of August, things were way too bizzare more than I can explain. I insisted to went back home after two months spending a campus community service work in paradise. Seems like all the luck and happiness I had was running out and left me dry. The two months memory was a bliss, definitely not something you can expect from a community service work. Some parts were not so expected tho.
But, anyway, I insisted to went home. The hometown of mine was different with the town where I had to go for going back to university. This upcoming semester is going to determine everything, and I wasn't gonna waste anything. I will do great. Until this happened.
I was home, safe and sound, and as always I chose to go somewhere else with some fellows I was close with, or not. Going out every single day, without ever noticed something actually had changed and there would occur even bigger change.
After going away to other country for a sudden task in two days, I was home again. It was already the last day of August. Nothing seemed odd, and I had another dinner plan with my BFFs at eight p.m. So, I got changed to a short and Mom didn't really like to see me in this outfit.

"Take that off and go. You're not going to wander around in the kinda short you're wearing now."
I was confused. It was not even a micro-mini hotpants or sth. It's almost knee-length.
I decided to stay in the things I was wearing from the first place.
"I've gotta go now," I said. Mom looked so disappointed.

I hopped on to other place with this particular person after dinner. Midnight already passed.
A bit weird, she didn't call me out to ask why I was't home yet.
All I thought was, she understood. She must be.
If only I knew it was the last time I made her feel disappointed, I would've withdraw all my words I had told her.
Or even feel anything at all.

My mother was a blessing, best thing ever happened to me in my whole life. I've always loved her no matter what, and I know she did too. She never stopped telling everyone that she got her little prides had grown up. She never stopped joking and planning that she would come and see us all taking over this small world.
I remember clearly she promised me this one thing, that she will see me succeed.
I told myself, promised myself, that I am going to show her one thing she wanted to see; a successful daughter she raised all her life.

Mother, enjoy the trip. Don't worry, I'll be totally fine.
I love you so much more than anything.
I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong.
I love you.

This is the lyrics in english. 
Dear Mom -SNSD

I’m feeling tired today
Left alone in the room hugging a pillow
Touching my phone distracted my mind
It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone
my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten
these words annoyed me but today it’s different
The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart
And become a person who is selfless
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices
You silently watched over me from behind
But now I think more than an innocent child
The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart
And become a person who is selfless
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small
Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack
I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)
I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)
I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes
I’ll show endless love
I’ll have a warm heart
I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom