Getaway and Flavonoid

I thought going through hard days and non-stop busy weekend will bring me to an endless desperation. Nothing would excite me, I won't have any energy left to be excited too. But, this moodboosting weekend changed by perception. 

So, on Saturday December 8th me and other +/-60 IR-UGM students (batch 2009-2012!) gathered on ɑ trip called RebaHI (Rekreasi bareng HI/a recreational trip with IR). Early in the morning, the whole members went to the first destination with ɑ bus: Jupiter paintball. 

Although I've never experienced any paintball match before, the match was really fun! My team which has Dodi, Azra, Didit and Delta even reached the semifinal round. and watching the final round was sugooi. I was kinda sure they were fighting on ɑ real battlefield! Oh catching-the-flag game was another thing too, bcs the flag they used was just ɑ black shirt -_- but it's fine tho.

After feeling so stupid because Guilford fooled me by saying the paintball venue was owned by his father, we went to the next destination. But yeah, I truly believed that his father was also there to be our judge for the match. They didn't even look alike! Hahaha. 

And we had two more things to catch. The bus headed south-east to Gunung Kidul while we ate lunch-box that was provided. I think I needed to decrease my fighting spirit when eating foods, feel like ɑ real soldier when seeing my meals unoccupied. 

Gunung Kidul was another regency in Jogja that's famous for its nature, it has huge areas of mountains, white-sand beaches and (this is it) caves! Our next activities of the day would be cave-tubing and river-tubing which were going through cave and river by using ɑ single tube for each person. Putting on ɑ life-vest and plastic shoes on and we're ready to have some fun. 

Goa Pindul used to only be ɑ batcave but as the people lived in the village around saw the river that flown inside as an opportunity, they invited ɑ cave tubing to be sold. The trip was around half an hour, and we were divided into groups consisted of 8 persons each. 

It wasn't the main attraction until we felt like sailing on our own tubes through ɑ real river for more than an hour. 

We reached the Oyo River using pick-up trucks and queueing to be thrown into water. Whoaaa so exciting, some of us made someone else's tube went upside-down just to make the person shocked hahaha. And you know what came after? ɑ 10-metres jump! So we climbed up the rocks and then jump off to the river. Best-feeling ever, don't you think so? Feels like all the bad things just went off along the way. I felt so excited to be able to swim in ɑ real river, then showered by the real pouring rain until the edge. We head back with the same trucks and I sat on the edge to just feel the wind (and sadly, tree branches also!) on my face.

After taking shower, we ordered meatball soup which is also famous at the place too. Oishii desu yo? 

I spent all the trip back just to chat with Dudit-Azra and to sleep. Oh, surprisingly both of them born at the same time (I mean May 15th 1993), so funny. Then I was knocked out and oversleeping the whole way back. 

Reaching the campus by evening and we saw ourselves being ɑ part of Fisipol UGM Dies Natalis. Lots of foods again there. Well, consider it as the perfect closing of the day. But weird tho, no drink was found during the night. 

By the end of the day, I've found myself munching ɑ huge pile of chocolates.  You will never know how good the works of flavonoid till you realized waking up on the Sunday noon. The day was nothing but blessing. Turns out all I need just ɑ getaway, some fun, sleeps and chocolates. 

Thanks God, Depor HI UGM & HI UGM 2009-12. 

☺ 

Galau Akademik

Today I walked through ɑ heavy rain. I didn't mind having all my jeans wet until I saw these spacious lands in front of me were all covered by ɑ small flood. It haunted me right away. Today I realized that I have ɑ phobia on something I couldn't measure. 

I had no idea on how high the flood would be. I just walked pass and ran toward it. I was afraid tho of it, and of everything else that was also unpredictable too. 

This is where I am, Jogja. ɑ student city, they said, where best upcoming graduates of the country struggle for making excellent records upon their capabilites. I'm also walking on the same path, to my self-constructed utopian world called future.

I still remember the day when I got accepted in this university, ɑ midnight quality time with my laptop in my parents' bedroom. Excited, and grateful until my mom thought it was ɑ joke if I ever want to seriously consider living away even to pursue ɑ better academic life. 

Thousands of other applicants wished to walk in my shoes now. International relations studies used to be ɑ huge deal for social-science students all over the country. I had no idea why, it might be because it's already hard to repair domestic conditions that Indonesians have to deal with now. It would even harder to work on our relations to the outside world.

To be connected with something new, something far or even something huge is always fascinating for me. I used to be (or still am) an idealist who wants something better that cost anything even if it's out of my reach. But now at this point I feel lost.

I fear failure, which counts as unpredictable thing too. I fear something I can't measure, something endless where I can do nothing about. So is my academic career at this very moment. As an idealistic scholar I need to do the best which I don't know how exactly. 

All of us are racing with time and competing with our own idealism. Whether we want it to run fast or best, I don't know. But the thing is, I'm now looking at ɑ top of hill without strength to climb up. 

Do I have time left? Or, can I? No one knows, not even me. 

Chances, opportunities, or fates are what has been screwing my head lately. I'm competing against something invisible but also very strong. The question is, do I want to be the ambitious winner or just stare at other fighters by sitting still on my couch. I know, I have to struggle. I am now looking back at the day when I knew I would gamble my whole capabilities in this town. I have paid for all other opportunities to stand proud someday in the graduation. I want to tell my children ɑ heroic story to remember. At this point, ɑ challenge is only to be cracked down to pieces. We can, I can. Those piles of workload are just presents the professors gave us. Someday we are going to miss these days when we have no time to sleep properly and worry in last minutes before the deadline. Being a nocturnal deadliner sometimes can be fun, but why procrastinate if things can be done faster? (this part is easier said than done obviously)

Well, an old-school quotation told us to do the best while I say we need more courages. We have lived our own options, why give up then? Or else, just cut it off and do nothing instead.

 

Just like the floods I was feared of today, walk pass through it and you would look back saying: I won against you. Then smile and go on. There are going to be other problems in life. 

So, don't get stuck and never walk in someone else's shoes. If it doesn't fit it hurts, you know. :)

Do you know that feeling when you just want to sleep forever till the things get back to how it used to be? When your expectations are ruined, and the thunder strikes right when it was not raining.

It was not raining at all, that day. 
and it just happened like out of nowhere.
This isn't world I'm goin through. It is a hell.

Takut?

Ini retorika terbesar yang ada di benak gue sekarang. Munafik kalo bilang nggak, tapi ini momen langka: takut sekaligus seneng.
Pertama kalinya dalam hidup, gue yang bebel ini bener-bener pasrah. Gue yang persis robot dan uptight (sebenernya sih aslinya begitu) diserang gelombang ekstrim yang bikin semuanya kacau balau.
Tapi coba pikir deh.
Robot yang berjalan sama terus ga akan pernah tau sampe mana batas resistensinya. Robot ini nyaman, tapi apa? Apakah berkembang? Dia akan stagnan.
Tapi juga sebaliknya, suatu hari dia akan rusak karena terus dipaksa bekerja di luar kapasitas dia. Cuma satu caranya: kinerjanya diimprove. Kalo ga gitu, kapan kita tau di mana kurangnya?
Katanya, we live to the fullest.
Di saat badai, rumah yang tadinya kokoh sekalipun bisa hancur. Saat itulah semuanya harus ditata ulang, karena cari rumah baru pun rasanya ga akan sama.

It's home, where you go back.
It's the nest, where birds belong.
It's the ocean, where flowing water goes to.

A wise man said, he's my safeguard and it was bothering a lot.
The world's keep turning, so here I am. It might be, now is the time to feel being you. This ain't easy and never easy.
And I'm sorry but just so you know: I have a HUGE reason why I always came back as I did.
Anyway, you also can go back home anytime.

Kalo kata The Script sih gini:


"And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time 
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door on the latch 
If you ever come back if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat 
If you ever come back"


- If You Ever Come Back.

They say love is letting loose, letting go. Here I am, loving you in quite a distance. And stay forever. Universe will know, as God listens that if we believe it is, then it is. I can see it in your eyes, as you can see in mine that nothing's changed and it's still there. It just burned under, and there needs to be effort to dig it back, ours.
They say, you say, true love is meant to be.
So, let's just see.

E.T.: Are They or arent They?

Extraterrestrial issues recently attracted me. Not forget to mention that I just completed the third Supernova: Partikel and watched Men in Black III. If the ms word could be my analogy, those two sources just made my thought became BOLD.
I never believed in supranatural lives before, but ever since cropcircle issues strike our society, I knew they're out there. One day when the first time I learned about galaxies, the first thing crossed my mind was: "It's not real. the earth might be round but planets? are you kidding me?"
If I lived hundred years earlier, I could be included in those church people who against Galileo Galilei. Yes, I can guess he was seen mocking Pope and church for being conventional. People just need to be open-minded don't they?
I just don't believe things without reasons. Chemical science for me, for example, is an irrational and unseen one. That's why I got 68 on my score sheet 5 years ago.
Well, it just the matter of science, doesn't have anything to do with God or religion thingy. They're separated. Aliens might have lives alike us, or similar presence and appearance. They just live parallel with us, separated by ultra-heavy energy out there called atmosphere. Or, earth might be too hot for them, or anything. I have no idea at the moment, I just can feel they're out there. It could be, both (or more) of our technologies are racing in which can reach each other earlier. They might made it, but lack of evidence makes it doubtful. Plus, conservative people think way too narrow and stuck in wherever they are.
It might be someday, we'll get to know each other. Aliens or us, either one will find a way to adjust themselves and meet up with other 'societies'.

Wait until I watch 'Prometheus'. I heard they got something interesting.

It's been a while since I haven't really lived life to the fullest. I have no idea how to settle down and sit back, relax while seeing things happen around. I live like a robot, self-driven machine. Or society victim, or anything you name it. I don't know what do I seek, what I want. Well, no one actually knows and it goes on. Is it too much if I ask for perfection?
I'm a virgo, never blame me for that.
Let's say, when I'm in love or simply deciding to choose goods, I'd think and consider lots of other things. Which sometimes won't make it better.

A question arised:
How am I going to feel that again? 
Feel alive, let loose, have fun?


As we became older, those three things are hard and harder to get without booze.

Personality Profile

Personality Profile of muthiah

Bye bye 2011!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Yep, it's the 4th day of the new calendar, the first week of the new year. Not that I want to rewind, but I am going to refresh the memories I had about what was happening throughout last year. 2011 was a tough, long, yet a year that exceeded my expectations.

It was my second year living away from home. Education was my only reason to moved to Jogja, and now I can find a thousand more reasons to still love the city. It helps me grow.

Well, I learnt a lot in 2011. Indecisive me had to learn how to choose between hard options. I learnt how to take risk and when to not take one. I learnt to let go what doesn't fit to me. Yep, 2011 taught me a lot.

A few highlight should be placed on certain dates of the year. The first one should be on May when I tried to participate in the search of regional miss tourism of the province (Putri Pariwisata DIY). Really shocked when I knew I was selected as one of the finalists. I missed a couple opportunities when I chose this but it was worth the price. The selection was a brief start to few things that followed after. 

Yeah of course BALI will be my next highlight of the memories. Since it was one of the best holiday I've ever had (lol but true). It was a perfect 8-days-escape: Bestfriends, Parties, Beaches, Freedom, Shopping, Summer,  Watersport, Spa and Boyf :). I miss each of every second we spent and glad to repeat planning another one this year. 

I also joined a couple activities that (finally) defined me as an IR student. The first one was Indonesia MUN in University of Indonesia last October and the second was UNESCO Youth Forum: : Looking Beyond Disaster in Christchurch, New Zealand on December. Both were so fun and enlightening, I met marvelous people, learnt a lot of lessons and definitely made good character building. I will tell you the report from each events when I got some time.

Overall, thanks to you 2011. You taught us lots of lessons but I have to step on to the next level, next year and upcoming challenges. I do have new year resolutions but can't tell you what! :p 

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye 2011. I hope there's no zombie outbreak or doom's day this year but joy and another life lessons to get. 

(p.s.: only one 2011 resolutions that's accomplished, to not eat chicken anymore. :o)