I'm actually on a test-week, but currently staying back at home since 5 days ago, bcs I've found out that my midterm test schedule allows me to smell fresh air. So here I am, home at Idul Adha.
It feels so good being home.
Like they all said, there's no place like home. Totally true. But you know what? I'm afraid, of many things. What if someday I can't feel the same way I'm feeling now? What if one day things change? People change, people may come and go. If now I can have this warm family, what if one day it's gone?
I remembered one day, my dad said he will be there when I succeed one day. But he's not. He's not even here now seeing me exploring politics like he did (seeing him watching news on tv was something confusing for me), even attend a university in the same city like he did. He's not here when my brother reaches his top of the game, when he can finally go to see where daddy traveled most of the time (can you guess my brother invited to the white house and even UN headquarter? I could die if I was him). Now I can't have someone, like him, to talk to. To ask whatever I wanna know, because he's the smartest and strongest man I've ever known. No one else supports me like he did.
He truly believes in his children: he let us do everything that we want and never underestimate. When I wanted to paint, he let me esplore. When my brother wanted to try playing chess, he even get him to enter a chess school.
He's an aries, he's total and bold. He never goes for a half, he would do the whole thing he could.
There's only one thing I could remember he prohibited his children to choose: my sister's major. He forced her to enter psychology when my sister loves literature. Well, being the oldest child is never easy. Daddy knew it was wrong anyway.
Well, I miss him so much. But it might be too late, he will never find out unless he read this blog. I hope you see me now, Dad, remembering each word you told me, every places we went to, wishing you're here now.
I never want to repeat the same mistake: realizing that you love someone when it's too late.
I love my mother more than anything, I love my nephew, nieces, even I love my sister and brother (the last one was kinda hard to admit). But I also love my dreams, I have and want to pursue them.
Living in Jogja forced me to shuttle back and forth, away from home. And after I graduate one day I gotta work, maybe miles away or overseas. I can't be with them all the time.
Isn't reaching our dreams would be a bliss to them too?
Like my mother always said, "kalo buat anaknya, orang tua pasti doain terus nggak putus-putus," A mom's love is endless, it goes with you everywhere you go no matter how far.
If I could, I'd hug my mother forever, tell her to stay strong no matter what. She is now, I know she will always be the supermom like she's always been. But I don't normally hug her and say I love her. She just knows, she's my mother.
If I could, I'd spend every little second with them who I love.
Family isn't something that you can replace. It lasts forever. No one else will accept who you are like they do. I can't be with them all the time, but I would cherish whenever I'm with them, whenever we could be together. Maybe one day I'll go miles away, my brother and married sister will also live apart. Maybe all of us will stay together forever. Who knows? The thing is, love the life that you have right now. Appreciate everything and each everyone around you, cause you'll never know when it's gonna end.
Just as one marvelous old quote I've ever heard:
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
Time waits for no man, my friend. Just, live the present to the fullest.
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